She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
