is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yo dont text me then not text me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
