i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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