This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
even my farts smell like vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize