Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
