So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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