Porn is love you can see.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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