I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
