My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
