Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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