i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
