I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
