ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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