i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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