Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
