Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
