Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
