I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just cropdusted the office
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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