dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
