I didn't shave. On purpose
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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