I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
