Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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