It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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