I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
