bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just gift wrapped bread.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
