i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
