Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
