oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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