upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
