Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
