i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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