he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
