I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we're so committed to being not committed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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