I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
