Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
