A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if only i could text you this smell
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My vagina is very pro this idea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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