just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Also, beer. Big fan.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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