Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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