we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
