one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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