Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
