he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
