you win again, gameday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
they're like a gay fantastic four
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
