You work out of a Hotel?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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