I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
