how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
