My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
