there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
