Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
