you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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