he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
