Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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