that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
