wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
