He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
