i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
