this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
