2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
