if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just cropdusted the office
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
