Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
