ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
NoShamevember. You game?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
