I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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