the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
