Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
