it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think your dad took our porno
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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